I just saw a hot homeless man
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
