We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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