I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize