didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
