I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize