YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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