i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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