So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
