I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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