oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
