somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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