I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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