Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
