Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
