I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
