Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
