Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
