You just made me feel so damn special
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
