Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
