her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
