Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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