I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
