You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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