stop calling my apartment porn island.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
