I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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