Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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