I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
