Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
