All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
