I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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