So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
