That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize