Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
