Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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