i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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