Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
