You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize