I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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