The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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