I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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