Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
