Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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