nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
