hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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