I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
