Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
