I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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