If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
