do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
