I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
