Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
sex in a hospital.. check
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
