just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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