He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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