I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize