Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
