i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
