You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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