i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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