I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
