He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
