If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
