You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
