and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize