You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
