remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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