When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
