WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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