First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
