yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize