Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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