Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
