I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
