no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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