my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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