I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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