yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
