Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
