One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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