I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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