You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
