i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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