I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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