I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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