apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
