Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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