It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
