fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm going to jail i love you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
