He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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