After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize