I think I am morally bankrupt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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