What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found puke in my bra..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
