Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
