I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
