I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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