Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Liz is crying about burritos again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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