are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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