Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My vagina is officially offended.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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