how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
