oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
