She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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