If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
