when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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