just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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