Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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