And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
