Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
