so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
