I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
