I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I touched a dick in church today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize