He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize